Buttspirations and Saddlebags

I hate working out, I hate salad, I love all things delicious and wonderful. My abusive relationship is with cheeseburgers and pizza and cake and cookies and brownies (mint brownies... YUM) etc etc etc... oh and french fries. HOWEVER, I have the metabolism of a 55 year old balding man with a beer belly, so it's time to make some changes. It's HARD for me to stick to healthy eating and exercise habits... f*** you I like ice cream, don't judge me.

Urgh... so yeah, here's my one of my many buttspirations. What is a buttspiration? A butt that I want mine to look like, an inspiration for my butt. Yep. Whatever. Enough with the judgment, read the blog.

I am going to commit, just for one month to eat really healthy and exercise regularly. Long term goals don't work, mini goals do. Just one month. To keep myself motivated, I am going to post a before and after picture at the end of the month, whether or not I succeed. This will make me do SOMETHING so I don't embarrass myself at the end of the month. I encourage you to do it with me! Don't eat too much or too little, go for brisk walks four times a week, and have 1 cookie instead of 6. (yep this happens a lot) So yeah, sorry but I'm basically forcing you to be the motivation for me to work out, because if I promise to post photos on November 18 (four weeks from now), which I'm doing, I want to post results haha because right now... yeah whoops. My mid section is slowly expanding and I'm pretty sure my BMI has increased by like 3%... D*** YOU GENETICS AND YOUR SLOW METABOLISM... Trust me, if I can do this, so you can you! I hatttteeee exercising and I like sweets more than anyone I know, if I can do this just for a month, you can do it to. I refuse to someday be on the biggest loser... because, quite frankly, Jillian Michaels scares the sh** out of me.

As for the before and after photos, they will be posted on November 18, I made sure the "before" photos were super horrible phone in a bathroom mirror quality and I made sure to puff my tummy out as much as possible and look super sad ;) you know... like those acne commericals where they're like "HOLY SH**! LOOK AT UNICORN POO FACIAL SCRUB AND HOW WELL IT WORKED FOR MARYANNE, FORT MOODLES, WISCONSIN 24! RESULTS NOT F***ING TYPICAL.
and in the before picture, they look a little like the joker had offspring with hydra from Captain America, and in the after picture they look like Julianne Hough after a nice facial from the Haus of Gaga
yep. going for that effect for added humor.

For Comic Relief on the Matter:
HOW DIETS WORK WITH JENNA MARBLES

Amen Jenna, you've figured this out better than anyone could put into words. Jenna is my homegirl. I adore her. And she's hilarious. Her and I have the same effing sense of humor. Unfortunately, it's adding to my freshman fifteen because I sit on youtube and watch her sh**. Whatever, it's funny. She's also my buttspiration.

Starting at: 132 lbs and 24% BMI (whoopsies)

FIGHT THE FRESHMAN FIFTEEN WITH A VENGEANCE! 

Stay Classy, Get fit,

J.Ellen

P.s. as extra motivation, I until November 18, I have to pay Rachel 5$ for every sweet treat I eat (with the exception of halloween... because then I can eat whatever I want) up to 20$ and then I have to pay her SIX $ for every sweet treat AND give her my favorite lazy time sweatpants. No way am I losing those!!! Or money for that matter... I like money.